My therapist wants to do EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy with me as soon as she gets office space.
I'm nervous about it. She said something today that I hadn't realized.
The trauma of Carlie's actual birth...I only let myself travel so far, and then my mind blacks out and I can't venture any further. I may experience it in flashes, but nothing is completely tacked together. I have to jump to certain points of the labor and delivery. Going through it from start to finish is nearly impossible, to truly feel all the emotions that come with it.
She validated once again: you are not crazy. You experienced a traumatic event.
I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
But I am not crazy.
So many people don't understand me right now. I don't understand myself, either, so welcome to the club.
I have to navigate through this foreign territory just like you do.
oh friend! how scary! i have heard of those kinds of tests, and i know that the therapists only suggest them when they think they'll be helpful, but the thought of reliving things that your brain purposefully blocked out. ah. i'm sorry that things are so confusing right now-- but i am so thankful that you have a therapist who is advocating for you and is working with you through all these things.
ReplyDeleteone thing's for sure-- you most definitely AREN'T crazy. and i know that God will continue working in you-- through your therapist, through your friends, and through modern medicine-- and will lead you out.
you are loved!